Each new year seems to enter with trumpets sounding and fireworks crackling and lighting up our living rooms with a calidescope of colours from the TV.
But, on a personal level we travel in our private time capsule and realise we have slipped into the fresh year with no more than a sip of coffee and a damp squib as we expect the usual plethora of brown envelopes demanding the payment of the inevitable bills, cash we have just spent on our seasonal festivities
That is how I normally see it, but this year is different.
New years day saw me checking my Emails on the laptop amongst other PC born activities when out of the ether came a phone call - I will back-track and explain in greater detail.
Almost two years ago someone very close to me and I had a misunderstanding for which I could not find a reason, so I spent many times speculating as to what had transpired to create the unsuspected reaction that was the result, to say I was surprised is an understatement, this wonderful person and I were used to talking freely on most subjects, including some very personal and private ones, so my shock was compounded by the event happening without an explanation or chance to rationalise the argument.
At the time a lot was happening in everyone's life, and a lot of people were doing various tasks, decisions were being made on the run and, amid the chaos and confusion, my own involvement was being disrupted for various reasons, and my part of the work was often delayed till most others had left for the comfort of their own homes and I could work without the distractions of the day.
It appears that the lack of progress was the trigger that put the bullet through the relaxed arrangement we had arrived at and served to sully our formally close relationship. This unresolved situation stopped communications for nearly two years and was a cause of regret and heartache for me during that period.
Being a bit of a clown, like most clowns, my sadness was disguised by my jovial attitude to most events but, in private I was constantly running this happening through my concerned mind and trying to find a cause for this effect.
Without a line of communication the dispute could not be resolved, and having promised to avoid all communication the possibility of negotiation was impossible, but, having made that promise I was duty bound to respect it, and so it continued.
The phone call was a wonderful surprise, better than any Harrods festively wrapped gift, better than a string of party's, more satisfying than a long vacation in some plush setting. To hear this persons voice was a joy to me, but to hear the tone of friendship and the desire to resolve our dispute, emulating my own feelings, was a revelation causing my heart to pound with excitement and a mile wide smile to distort my face, to the extent that the friend here with me remarked on my sudden change in mood and body language.
We soon arranged a meeting where we discussed our situation and resolved the the differences and both
realised that the whole thing had been something and nothing, and could so easily not reached the extent it did.
So, for me, I can genuinely say my new year start is a happy one, with luck it will stay that way, with good intentions it should continue to improve.
Some time ago, two other similar disputes have sullied my life and have remained unresolved, so my intention is to attempt to work my way through the mire of unexplained traps that we have fallen into, this recent happy event has given me a fresh resolve to at least attempt settling the problems. These two events involve people that are of immeasurably important people in my life and these festering sores need salving as a matter of urgency before they turn cancerous and reach a critical stage.
At my age of seventy I wish for those that are important to me to be there within easy reach, not isolated from me and critical of things of which I know nothing, my life has been spent earning a living and reputation where I have mostly been helping people to realise their dreams by creating things in their home or lives that they are not capable of realising for themselves, I am not given to creating upsets, in fact most people know that I will do my utmost to avoid or resolve disputes.
These attributes are known to the people that I am referring to, so I yet again can not comprehend how these events have arrived to cause the unhappiness I bear as a result of them.
I am tired of feeling regrets, tired of wishing they were around to enjoy their presence and laugh with them as used to happen, tired of their not being part of my life and me part of theirs. Yes I have good friends, yes I have acquaintances, all of whom go to form a group of people that I am proud to be a part of, but these few people are very special and cause me the most regret when I am estranged from them.
Perhaps this is a good time to make a new years resolution, normally they are a secret but in this case I will publicly announce that :-
My new year resolution is reconciliation.
For me, this new year is a happy one beyond all others. I wish all that read this has a similar new year too, though I selfishly know that it is unlikely to be as momentous as mine.
God bless all with open minds !
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